But as I speak to potential clients and lead educational workshops, munchies, and courses over the years, I can assure you that there is always someone who asks, “Is my desire not anti-feminist?” “Is subjugating the bedroom a betrayal of my ideals of women’s equality?” Internalized misogyny is the name we give to the feelings of self-doubt, shame, and guilt that stem from deep-rooted expectations of Western white patriarchy. Interestingly, it seems that only cisgender white women are asked this question. I suspect that my Trans and queer brothers have a different understanding of affairpage sexual desire and perhaps a different and broader understanding of feminism itself.
Men should provide and women should serve. It’s clear that we’ve come a long way in the fight for women’s rights. We celebrated the 50th anniversary of the right to use credit cards without the husband’s permission, which was introduced in 1974. As women become more equal and have more rights, they also have the freedom to pursue their own sexual desires. Today, there is an abundance of romance novels, movies, and TV shows that emphasize the power of female sexuality. And of course the Internet is full of tips, techniques, and access to information to help women share their love of erotic sex.
They struggle with internalized misogyny that creates deep shame and guilt about their affairpage sexual preferences in terms of their desires and fetishes. I always answer the same way:
Do I want to remain single until marriage? Of course. Would you like to sleep with different partners, experiment with sex toys and sex with or without a partner? Of course! In our society, you have the right to choose without being shamed or treated as less than a man. So, if you come to me and decide to submit to being spanked, is that what you want? The term submissive is often used casually and sometimes interchangeably with bottoming. To me, bottling is a term I use to eroticize the person I do things with. So if you come for a spanking, with or without sex, you are a bottling to me, independent of your personal label. Dominant or submissive. Submission is voluntarily giving you to another. How this goes depends a lot on the dynamics you build with a top and/or dominant. It could mean having to follow all instructions for a period of time. It could mean following a set protocol. It can mean erotic sex, or it can mean non-flirtatious affairpage sex. It can mean so many things in terms of the level of power or control you give to the top or dominant. The simplest way to explain the difference between bottoming and submissive is that bottoming means receiving something, and submissive is a state of mind. This is often called subspace.
With all my clients, I ask what submissive means to them. What are they looking for in a power exchange? You will notice something very important. It is a negotiation. It requires a conversation to come to a mutual agreement about what each of us will and will not allow during our time together, i.e. during our session. What we felt was erotic during our session. Think of it like ballroom dancing. Yes, I will lead you, but you must choose to follow my lead. Otherwise… well, you’re not dancing together, right? Before you can dance together, you have to agree on the dance.
