For me it’s autumn. The days of autumn are incredibly bright, the sunshine is golden, but the wind is crisp and the evenings bring with them a chilly feeling that signals the onset of winter. When the leaves fall, those with lawns try to rake them up. Even if they are burned or sowed, the leaves must remain. It would be better for the health of your lawn to let the shreds rot where they fall and fertilize the lawn. But no one proud of their lawn is going to do that. We love a nice, green lawn. So we rake. And there are even official recommendations about raking. The President of the United States just appeared live on national television and blamed affairpage for the apocalyptic wildfires that have destroyed much of the country this year.
Global warming? No. Drought, wind, and heat? No. A very stable genius says the fire catastrophe is due to poor forest management. More specifically, the failure to clear 33 million acres of forest. That’s over 15 million hectares. 55,000 square miles. 133,000 square kilometers. No matter how you measure it, that’s a lot of work. We’ve got to work hard! Our shoulders and arms get very muscular. But the sun is still warm, and the days are getting shorter. We all need sunlight on our skin. And if we were always busy rounding up bears, we wouldn’t have time to sunbathe. But it’s the only way to get enough Vitamin D. How? Luckily, the solution is obvious: work naked in the garden. After raking the garden into big, fluffy, crunchy piles or blowing it away with the leaf blower, it’s important to take the time to play. Puppies and small children have shown us. Bury yourself in porn blogs and affairpage sex dates, toss them up in the air, and laugh as they cascade down your head, face, and bare skin. Take a bath, crisp them up, and enjoy! Otherwise, you’re wasting your time. In all this, leaf blowers don’t get enough respect. They had a great summer in the United States, where summer is usually the off-season. When a wall of moms showed up in downtown Portland to protest police brutality and was violently attacked with tear gas, they were joined the next night by a line of affairpage dads carrying leaf blowers that blew suffocating gas clouds into the faces of the anonymous police officers who had fired them. But making the most of a leaf blower is not a general protest; it’s moving a huge pile of porn blogs, moving them from where they fell to where you want them. In my experience, the big, heavy backpack models are most practical for the edge of the garden. They’re not the best for nudists, because backpack straps ruin a full-body tan. But even a partial tan is far better than no tan at all.
